Along came a friend request.

Chapter 1.

SOCIAL NETWORKING

Facebook had long ceased being just a time pass for me. It was an addiction.
Every 'like' i could gather, every comment that 'tagged' me, was my food, my elixir.
Those were the days when i thought impressing girls in facebook was the easiest way to get laid. I tried every trick known to man to be impressive. I uploaded photos, i stole funny tweets and posted it as my own, and the like.

No, i didn’t mean to impress any special person. That’s the point. I had no such special person. And I desperately needed one.
And hence, all my efforts were addressed
'To whomsoever it may concern'.

Thus the web laid, I sat at its centre like a spider, ready to pounce at the first sign of a prey.
Patiently wait, i did. Hours became days, and days turned into weeks. I got not one positive response.
I was losing hope, getting frustrated, and was about to smash my computer screen in.

Then, at that very moment, a tiny red button on the top left corner of my screen lighted up.
A Friend Request...!
A girl's friend request...!

It was one of my juniors. "Jackpot..!", cried my mind.

Without any further delay, giving her no chance whatsoever to change her mind, i accepted the request.
And thus began our chatting.

Me: Hey

She: Hai. :)

Me: Where were you all these days? What took you so long?

She: What..?!!

Me: Na.. Nothing.. Whassup?

She: Oops..! Sorry chetta.. That friend request was a mistake. I thought it was some other Hari.

Along came a loud crashing sound, that of my dreams coming crumbling down..!
Even Hans Zimmer can’t possibly do a background score that would do justice to this scene.

Me: Oh okay.. No problem..! But does that mean you don’t know me..?

She: Oh.. No.. Not like that. I've seen you. :)

So all is not lost. This darkness could be temporary after all. The Sun could rise still...; thought an optimistic me.

Me: I've seen you too.. During the Onam celebrations.. We've talked.

She: Oh.. Have you..? But I don’t remember seeing you.. So many seniors were there. I don’t remember anyone particularly.

Then, another crashing sound reverberated through my head. This one, even louder.

Why do girls behave like this..? Okay. She need not be kind. I understand. But atleast she could've been vague..!
My mind was racing in a downward spiral emotionally. But i did control myself and chatted for a few more minutes, and then called it a day.

Chapter 2.

THE TRAIN

Me and few of my friends boarded an early morning train the very next day. It was one of those routine once weekly visits to Ernakulam that happened every Sunday. As was usual, once the train left the station, i tried to get some sleep. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, my friend sleeping on the berth above mine, started talking.
"Don’t you remember me, sweet heart? We've met during the Onam celebrations.."



A friend indeed...



No Effin’ way..! How could this happen..?
My sleep gone, eyes wide open, i stared at him. And he leered back at me..!

He went on, quoting each and every dialogue that passed between us., as I sat petrified.
If that scene were to be captured in celluloid, it would’ve made a perfect Kodak moment..!

And that day on, my loyal friends branded me “The Chatroom Molester”.., a crooked, malicious villain, who roams the shady corridors of Social Networks in search of young girls, lures them into private chatrooms with sugar coated words, and then robs them off their virginity.

By the way, and to be frank, even the prospect of being accused of doing such an act, especially the last part, that too within the confines of an online chatroom, makes me swell with pride.

Anyway, the fact was that my little chat did go public, and my reputation was irrevocably disfigured. Actually, I can totally live with that. As if I had lots of it to lose anyway.

Chapter 3.
FEMME FATALE

Learning from my mistakes, like any other sensible Homo sapien with a common sense would do, I removed ‘Her Excellency’ from my Friends list.
No, It wasn’t an act of revenge, my friends. It was one of caution. The whole “hot water-cat-cold water-fear” routine.

Surprisingly, the very next day, yours truly gets a message from Her Excellency, which readShe: Your mom is a writer, no?

Dah..! So she knew who I am..!
But being the epitome of decency that I am, I said

Me: Yeah. She does write, occasionally.

Her next message went

She: Cheta, did you purposefully remove me from your friends list?

What else did you think, dumbass? That Zuckerberg would do that for me..?
But again, being the gentle man I am, I said..,

Me: Yes Ma’am. I did.
She: Is it because I told him about our chat?

No, dear. Its because I didn’t like Obama’s foreign policies.

Me: Ma’am, see. Its better if we don’t discuss this.
She:  Im sorry. Can you please add me as your friend?

A strange omen , or may be not, I could hear Michael Jackson playing in my headset..
“The girl is bad, The girl is dangerous..”, and I could see my roommate watching “Femme fatale” in his laptop.
My gentle man mode being stretched to its limits, my patience wearing thin, and quite honestly, me being genuinely afraid, I said

Me: Chatting with you had been a pleasure ma’am. And the pleasure had been so immense that I would remember it for a long time. I needn’t have it again. Thank you.

 

Chapter 4.

OFFLINE

Thus, I realized private chatrooms were not really that private. A lesson learnt, the hard way. And that marked the day I chose to be ‘Forever offline’ in social networking sites.

So I added one more to my ever expanding collection of lemons that life dutifully gives me from time to time. And I thankfully jotted down under this priceless trophy-

“Everything ends bad., or else, nothing would ever end.”